Ugh. Law Enforcement Funerals-it’s one of the heaviest but most requests topics from yall. I get a lot of DMs about what to wear, what to expect, and what they’re like. It’s a difficult and sad thing to talk about, but unfortunately, most of us LEO families will attend at least one during our officer’s career. And so, after much deliberation, I finally decided to make a little blog post about it all.
Please note that I am only sharing based on my own experiences. Law enforcement funerals (LEOF) vary greatly depending on location, size of department, LODD, timing, and a bunch of other factors. This post is by no means an end all be all-just something to reference if you, too, have some questions.
There are three main ways you’ll attend a LEOF: as part of the specific department that they’re honoring (as in, your LEO’s coworker has passed), as a LEO family (a member of the law enforcement community but not part of the department), or as a general member of the public. There is, of course, another way that you’ll be attending, and that’s as a direct family member of the LEO who has passed, but I will not be talking about that here. I (praise Jesus) do not have any experience in this area and do not feel comfortable or qualified addressing it.
I do, however, have experience attending funerals as “just” a LEOW in the area as well as a LEOW of a department honoring a LODD. Typically LEOFs will take place within the week of the LEO passing away. The timing varies depending on the family’s wishes and other factors, but usually they seem to happen pretty quickly. The funeral is usually held in the city where the LEO served, as long as there is a location big enough. Sometimes LEOFs will be held in the city where the LEO lived, if they didn’t live and work in the same area. LEOFs are held for LEOs who were killed in the line of duty (LODD) or passed away while an active LEO but not while at work. Retired LEOs can also have LEOFs. Depending on the LEO’s status, the LEOF will vary.
LEOFs can be very large-expect a lot of people in attendance. Other law enforcement members and families travel from all across the state (as well as from neighboring states and even countries or across the country) to come and pay their respects to their fallen brother or sister in blue. Seeing hundreds and hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of LEOs in their best uniforms is an extremely moving sight and always takes my breath away. If the fallen LEO was also military then typically they will be in attendance too. Besides all of the men and women in uniform there are their families (fellow LEOWs and blue partners as well as their children and friends), other blue supporters, and the general public who wants to show their respect.
LEOFs are traditional and formal affairs. Law enforcement will dress in their “Class As” or “Dress Blues”, which is their most formal uniforms. This means pressed/dry cleaned uniforms, shined shoes, hats, and pins. As a LEOW I will be next to my LEO, so I also like to dress respectfully and conservatively. I also err more on the side of formal and traditional, simply because that’s what feels the most respectful to me. Typically this means an appropriate length black dress, black or grey tights and sweater depending on the weather, and nice but comfortable shoes. I bring a black crossbody purse with me to hold some essentials (see below).
What to bring with you: I like to bring a black midsize crossbody purse to hold a few things.
-Tissues/Kleenex. LEOFs are heartbreaking and can cause a lot of tears. Pack some tissues for yourself, your LEO, and others around you.
-Snacks. Between staging, waiting, the actual funeral, socializing, and traveling, the funeral day can be very long. I like to pack a few simple snacks like Cliff bars or proteins bars. I choose things that are easy and quick to eat and aren’t messy-no melty chocolate or crumbs to get all over those nice uniforms.
-Mints/gum. It can help to have something to concentrate on when feeling overwhelmed. Concentrate on your breathing and ground yourself by sucking on a mint.
-Mini sewing kit or safety pins. In case a button pops off or a seem splits, it can be helpful to have a pin or two handy.
-Sweater. Whether it’s winter and cold outside or summer and the air conditioning is blasting, bring a sweater in case you get chilly. Class As are typically pretty warm by themselves, so more than likely your LEO will not get cold.
LEOFs are full of traditions and customs that are so special to the blue family. Typically there is a presession before the funeral, which is when all of the emergency vehicles make their way to the LEOF location. Usually all of the department’s cars will drive together, then all of the other emergency vehicles who came to pay their respects. Pressions usually only include emergency vehicles and the fallen LEO’s family. Everyone’s lights are on (but no sirens) and they follow the same route to the funeral location. It is typical to see citizens and other thin line family members lining the route that the pression takes saluting, waving, waving flags, and covering their hearts with their hands.
Typically the location of the LEOF will have two ladder trucks supporting a huge American flag. Inside there is usually seats reserved for the family, for the department, for general law enforcement, and then for the general public. Typically everyone gets seated except for the family and department, and then when the funeral begins, those people funnel in and sit closer to the front.
Like other funerals, there is typically pallbearers, speeches, prayer, a eulogy, a slideshow of photos, printed programs, and music. Usually the mayor, chief, sheriff, or other high ranking LEO will speak, as well as a family member or two. LEOFs also usually have a 21 gun/bell salute, bagpipes, and the playing of Taps. There is a flag folding-the coffin is covered by an American flag which is then folded and presented to the widow (or other close family member like a parent) by the chief or sheriff (or other high ranking official). Finally, there is The Last Call or End of Watch-dispatch calls out the fallen LEO’s name, call sign or badge number, waits, calls again, then declares them out of service. This is followed by tones and the dispatcher saying the LEO is out of service (they usually state their EOW date) and “we have the watch from here”.
The entire LEOF experience is heartbreaking and beautiful. I am always overwhelmed with tremendous grief as well as tremendous pride. Having men and women who put their lives on the line everyday for me and you is a privilege I don’t’ take lightly, and seeing the way the community honors those who lose their lives for us is breathtaking.
Phew. There it is-a few thoughts on what to expect at a LEOF. If you have more tips or thoughts, please leave them in the comments so we can help one another out đź’™
As someone who has been part of the planning teams for LODD services in the past, I’d say you did a fantastic job of getting all of the basics out there.
Our agency allows spouses to ride with our officers in the procession, so a few tips about that would be more of the same, bring water and snacks – maybe even a sandwich or two, just don’t drink too terribly much because sometimes the wait for the procession to start and the procession itself can be quite lengthy, especially if the service is in a larger metro area. Seeing the streets and overpasses lined with firefighters, LE Supporters, American flags, homemade signs and patriots with their hands over their hearts is sobering.
LODD services are very para-military and expect a lot of very silent moments as transitions happen. The event producer in me always gets a bit antsy at the long pauses.
The last call always gets me – it’s so intense and final. The first LODD service I went to I was not warned. My LEO and the coms officer on the other side of me literally had to hold me up because my legs gave out. I always warn spouses on any LODD memorial team I’ve been leading about that for that very reason.
One thing that we talk about with new spouses in our agency is that when critical incidents or LODDs happen in our state or agency, how common it is for LEOWs to put ourselves in that situation and start the “what if folder” in our brains.
Thank you for writing about this. It’s so important to be even the slightest bit mentally prepared during an already highly emotional time.
Thank you so much for all of these helpful tips, Merrick!