our identity: more than a police wife

When someone asks you who you are, what do you say? Maybe you state your name, or your occupation. There are a lot of things that describe us and many roles that we carry. As police spouses we’re especially embedded in the job our husband’s have, because it’s more than just a job. It’s a calling, a lifestyle, a seemingly 24/7 type of thing.

We have to be careful, then, that it doesn’t become our full identity.

We often hear about police officers and veterans who retire or leave their field and struggle to know who they are. They spent so many years being “officer” or “soldier” that now that title has become everything they are. Then, when that job title is no longer, they feel empty, confused, or unfulfilled.

The same thing can happen to us. It might sound strange coming from me, because the majority of what I talk about here is all about blue life, but I am much more than just a police wife. I am a wife, a daughter, a friend, a therapist, a coffee drinker, a loud laugher, a PNWer, an auntie…the list goes on and on. But what’s on top of that list? That I’m a child of God.

The entire list of roles that I recorded are just that-roles. Every single one could change or be taken away. I could change jobs, lose my husband, develop an intolerance to coffee, or move states. The only one on that list that never will change is that I am a daughter of the Most High. Those other roles don’t matter as much, because He does.

Additionally, as women we might find ourselves defined by others by our appearance. We look around, and back at ourselves, and feel unhappy by what we see. Listen up, sweet girl-you are worthy. You are SO worthy, because He says you are. It doesn’t matter what the mirror says, what the scale reads, or what social media portrays. You are worthy, because He says so, and you don’t need to prove that to Him or anyone else.

We might even define ourselves by our past. By our trauma or successes. By the things that have happened to us or the places that we have been. But the past is an event, not an identity. “The old has passed away” we are told in 2 Corinthians. Those things that happened last month or last year or last decade don’t have to define you, because Jesus wiped our slate clean.

We could spend our entire lives fighting to get the world’s approval, but it’s never going to come. And even if it does, it’s not going to last forever. But you know what approval we already have? God’s. The creator of the world has already deemed us approved and loved and worthy and beautiful-so why are we trying to get anyone else’s? We might think we need to earn God’s love and approval by getting promoted, having the cleanest house, gathering the longest list of volunteers for church, or raising the most well behaved kids.  Those things are important but they don’t get you God’s approval-because you already have it. Let that sink in. There is NOTHING you can do or need to do to earn God’s love, because He already loves you more than you can ever imagine. There’s no mountain you must climb or title you must earn to get His approval, because He already formed You perfectly. We can race around, trying to find acceptance and worth in our appearance, job, family, marriage, or church-but all we will be is tired. True identity and peace can only be found one place, and that is in Him.

Be a police wife. Support your officer. Wash those uniforms, pack some lunches, throw police themed birthdays for your kiddo, go on ridealongs, attend family parties alone, pick up stray bullets-whatever you do to make your blue household run smoothly, keep doing it. You’re amazing. But also remember your other roles. Take time to grab coffee with a friend. Hang out with neighbors who aren’t officers, who don’t find it normal to come across dead bodies or talk about high speed chases. Work on your hobbies and talents. Have an outlet and a passion for you and you alone.

And most importantly, remember your TRUE identity. You are worthy, loved, wonderfully created, and set apart. You are perfect just how you are because the One who makes masterpieces formed you that way. You are many things, but mostly you are a beloved child of God.

Here are some of my favorite verses to read over to remind myself of this:

Deuteronomy 14:2 says “You have been set apart as holy to the Lord your God, and he has chosen you from all the nations of the earth to be his own special treasure.”

Isaiah 43:4 says “Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.

1 Peter 2:9 says “But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.”

Song of Solomon 4:7 says “You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”

John 15:16 says “You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name.”

Psalm 139:14 says “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

Proverbs 31:25-26 says “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.”

Romans 12:2 says “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

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